At first it was just a room with no place to sit. Then, it became a "to-do" because, well...we need a couch. Finding the RIGHT couch will hard because couches are important, being comfortable is important. It feels a little overwhelming.
It's kind of like life for me right now... one big to-do...and it's overwhelming. Holt's back has been bad news after bad news... that's a bummer. I had a scare yesterday with breast cancer, thank God I'm fine... but still stress that I don't need. Then two weeks ago, call from my OB/GYN...possible cancer cells in my report. Thankfully...she's not worried and either am I. But it does offer perspective. Keep what's important, important and forget the rest.
I'm doing my best to help provide for my family, care for my family/my dogs and hold a full-time job and not lose it. I need to get potty training Tristan and was trying to plan our 40th birthday celebration for my ya-ya's. The trip to Islamorada blew up, Tristan still wears a diaper ALL THE TIME. Bummer.
This year has been one disappointment after another and I'm trying SO hard to see the good in each day. I'm trying SO hard to be thankful for my marriage even when it's difficult, to thank God for animals when my dogs won't stop whining, be grateful for my job even when my bosses are impossible and be thankful for this body even when it fails me.
No one said life would be easy. No one. It's full of hard decisions that you have to MAKE and then consequences you have to live with. Every day I second guess my parenting but know that I'm doing the best I can to raise a decent human being, some of this (most of it) is up to God. Not me. I'm not as "in control" as I think I am and somewhere deep down, I know that.
But... Life. IS. STILL. HARD.
But hell, it's all worth it. I wouldn't trade one single second of my marriage to go back and be single. Wouldn't trade one tear from work to be unemployed and wouldn't even consider removing one thing in my life with my son just to have "less responsibilities"...somehow I just need to find a way to have more grace for myself and for those that I love.
So - I guess all in all, I'm a work in progress. Some old clay that God is continually shaping and molding and hopefully I am becoming something beautiful in His eyes and making a difference in this world.
For now, I'm just going to celebrate, find a new couch and do stuff that makes me happy. I
like going to the movies by myself so I think I'll start there and like Tristan, I want to look at life like a bowl of popcorn and always dive right in. If you get a kernel, spit it out and move on!
